Lyarra’s Story

Hi! Lyarra here <3

Shamanic Practitioner, Equine Gestaltist, Spiritual Mentor, Reiki Master, Sound Healer, Intuitive Development Teacher, and Transformation Guide, at your service!

(Buckle in, if you want to learn more about me..! This next bit turned out way longer than I thought it would! LOL!)

If I am being totally honest, this is by far the hardest part of my website to create..! (It may or may not have stayed completely empty for more than three years..! LOL!)

Because, if I’m being totally honest, it was very hard for me to talk about myself in the past.

I suffered from horrible self-confidence for a great majority of my life, and I feel that is an important place for me to begin, because it is my journey to overcome that and learn to Love myself unconditionally that has delivered me to a space where I finally feel comfortable talking about and sharing myself and my unique gifts.

For as long as I can remember, I have felt deeply connected to Nature. The plants, the animals, the sky, the waters.. all of it. Nature made more sense to me than anything else in this silly human world. Yet, at the same time, I had a deep desire to connect with other humans, something that actually felt incompatible with my natural state. So I changed.

I honestly lost count of how many times I changed myself, my personality, my story, in order to try to “fit in” and be accepted by other humans. And it did work, to a certain extent. But I was still left feeling overwhelmingly unsatisfied and unfulfilled. Which I later realized was because I was never truly connecting, being seen, understood and accepted for who I truly am on a Soul Level.

Enter… The Awakening.

In truth, I actually had two separate Awakening experiences.

The first happened when I was in High School, and although for a while I was exploring it excitedly, I eventually got to a point where I thought I must be completely bat-shit crazy, so I shut it all down and locked the memories away to the deepest corners of my subconscious.

Which kinda worked… for a while.

But the feeling of being unfulfilled and unsatisfied with my life continued to grow and fester inside of me.

So I continued seeking all the things I thought I wanted on that surface level, in that fabricated persona that I had been living in for so much of my life, and I actually did end up attaining almost everything I thought I wanted…

yet I felt more alone and empty than ever.

It was at that point, shortly after having my son Malakai, that my second Awakening began.

I had no idea what was happening to me.. in many ways, I was very happy. Like I said, I had everything I thought I wanted. The joy my son alone gifted me was overwhelming at times. But I couldn’t shake this feeling that something was missing.

“I know I am meant for something more..” repeated in my head non-stop. It was like a broken record, breaking me open more and more each time it repeated.. But I had no idea what was happening to me or why that sentence was repeating in my head or what I was supposed to do about it.

Thanks to the glorious modern age, when in doubt, there is always Google.

I ended up googling that phrase that was stuck in my head on repeat, which lead me to a lot of dead ends and a few very strange places.. but eventually, I found something that sparked. I found a very old forum where someone mentioned going through a very similar experience, and finding relief from something called Reiki and the spiritual insights that the Reiki practitioner offered them. I had never before heard of Reiki, and I was a bit put off by the word “spiritual” (since my only connection with the word was the Catholic teachings from my childhood that didn’t exactly sit right with me), but somehow I knew this was a lead I needed to follow.

Also around this time, I was desperate to find anything that would give me some form of the fulfillment I was searching for. The first thing that came to mind when I tried to think of anything like it that I felt in the past was.. horses. It made no sense to me, and I had no idea how I would find a way to be around horses again (you don’t have to be a horse person to know just how very expensive anything horse related is..), but I knew this was another lead I needed to follow. So I found a local trainer and signed up for riding lessons. I started feeling so many shifts! I began feeling truly excited and inspired for the first time in ages the more I dove into my research on these incredible creatures and allowed myself to dream a new dream that included them.. It felt like this was it. This was the missing piece! This was the “something more” that I was searching for!

And then I got Reiki done..

I was quite hesitant to actually get Reiki done for a while. For one, at the time, I thought $100 was way too much to spend on myself, especially for some woo-woo thing that I didn’t know would work. And on an even deeper level, I think the parts of me that I suppressed all those years ago (out of fear that I was going crazy) knew that this would begin leading me down that same road.. and that was absolutely terrifying.

Eventually, however, the thought persisted long enough for me to book an appointment. I had no idea what to expect, and was quite nervous about the whole ordeal. I had read somewhere that some Reiki practitioners can give you messages from your Spirit Guides, and that thought was quite exciting to me. At this point in time, I didn’t really remember what had happened to make me shut down my first awakening experience (I did a very thorough job at locking the memories away), but I knew that was something that always interested me, and I wanted to find out how to communicate with them myself if it was possible.

So I went to the Reiki session and was honestly completely blown away by the whole experience. I was amazed by how “normal” this very kind woman was, I was amazed by how relaxed and at peace it helped me to feel, and I was absolutely floored that I actually felt the energy moving through my body (I actually peeked my eyes open to see where her hands were, part of me was convinced that it was some kind of trick..! lol!). But most of all, I was so impressed by the spiritual messages she relayed to me from my Spirit Team. The messages she was giving me were so aligned with everything that was currently going on in my life, and at the end of the session, she said she felt it was important to mention to me that she offers a weekly guided meditation group where she teaches how to communicate with Spirit on your own.

I immediately knew this was something I had to do (not to mention a little freaked out that my main desire from this whole experience just happened to be something this woman is an expert at and teaches on a regular basis..!), and ended up going to her very next class. I was absolutely terrified, but was quickly put at ease by the environment that was set up and the peaceful and relaxed way she had of guiding and teaching everyone. I was hooked after that first class, and ended up going almost every week for over a year. At this point, the teacher was moving and actually came to me asking if I would take over teaching the classes. Although I was petrified by the idea (at this point in time, I definitely didn’t see myself as a teacher or leader in any capacity, and still had horrible self confidence and self worth issues), there was a part of me that just knew that this was my direction, and that this was the start of something much, much bigger.

Upon accepting this invitation to step into this new role, so much opened up for me! I had a much clearer sense of what I wanted to do with my life, my mission and purpose. I knew without a doubt that I wanted to help others to heal and understand their connection with Spirit. I began taking course after course on Energy Healing, Psychic Abilities, Astrology, Shamanic Healing, Sound Healing, Human Design, Sexual Healing and Empowerment, Past Life Remembering and Integration, Shadow Work, Soul Retrieval, Dharma and Soul Purpose, … the list goes on and on. I was obsessed. It gave me new life. It awakened a sense of purpose and passion in me that I had never felt before, and I was beginning to feel the stirrings of the fulfillment that I had been searching for.

This ultimately ended up guiding me along a path of incredibly deep personal healing and transformation. At first, I was guided by the idea that I “needed” to do these things in order to be “good enough”. Although there was always that very aligned drive to do these things because I knew they would be an integral piece of how I would help others, the self direction of my studies began as a way to try and “fix” myself to be worthy of the path I had envisioned for myself. But luckily, these healing practices can see beyond our limited human perspectives and eventually guided me to the Truth that I was always good enough, that I (just as every other human being) am innately perfect exactly as I am, and that the only things that needed “fixing” were my misaligned perspectives on my worth and self image.

Sounds pretty easy and straightforward when I put it like that, but it definitely wasn’t so in the midst of it all. In truth, it was actually a very messy, often horribly uncomfortable, sometimes even scary journey of looking at, healing and resolving lifelong (and past life) woundings and programming, as well as the very challenging and tedious work of creating and integrating (or simply surrendering to) new patterns and programs that are in alignment with my Divine Truth.

Although there were many times I simply wanted to give up and, like in the past, make myself forget everything and go back to living a “normal”, muggle life, the further I got along in my journey, the more impossible that became as I was gaining momentum towards my more aligned life of purpose and service. And it most certainly paid off. Though, as I said, there were some very dark and difficult times as I was moving through some deep healing, as I continued moving forward I was increasingly experiencing greater and greater levels of joy, bliss, and fulfillment.

Eventually, my life began opening me up to another new and unexpected direction: Art. It came in one of those exceptionally dark and uncomfortable periods that I mentioned before, and it seemingly came out of nowhere (I kind of hated art when I was younger, though I now realize that that was simply because I was so terrified of “getting it wrong” that I never allowed myself to discover the simple joy that art can open you to).

I quickly became obsessed with a form of art called Fluid Painting, watched more tutorial videos than I would like to admit, and before long had everything I needed to start doing it for myself. The first colors I started wanting to paint were the colors of my Soul Essence, or Energetic Signature. Once I started, I couldn’t stop! I was so enamored with these beautiful expressions of color, and I noticed that the more I created, the more I was actually falling in Love with myself.

I share more about this on the page for my Fluid Essence course, but essentially what was happening was that through painting and playing with and falling in Love with these colors and expressions (that were so resonant with my Soul), I was becoming more clear on who I am on a Soul level, and seeing this reflection of my Soul outside of myself was kind of a tricky way for the Universe to remind me how beautiful and love-able I actually am. I began to realize that all the things that I have loved and felt resonance with through my life, but that I thought were simply outside of me, were actually a part of me, just other expressions of the same Soul fabric that make up who I am. So how could I possibly love those things without also loving myself?

Well, I soon found out, I couldn’t!

Once I started seeing myself in all these things that I Loved so dearly, I couldn’t help but Love myself equally so. It was the beginning of the most incredible Love affair this life has to offer, that with self. I also came to realize that this is what life is really all about. Learning to Love our lives, everything and everyone around us, and ourselves as deeply as possible.

Now, although, yes, I am a magical, beautiful and unique soul that is worthy and deserving of all my hearts desires, this isn’t unique to me. In coming to this awareness about myself, I came to realize that this is true about all humans.

Not only is every human deserving of all their hearts desires, they deserve to feel what it is like to truly love themselves, wholly and completely, in all their perfectly imperfect, unique and beautiful ways. I realized that the reason I was directed on this path to my own self love and empowerment was because I am meant to help others along this path themselves.

Which just about brings us up to present.

After a long year of falling madly in Love with myself, devoting myself to myself and to what nourishes and enriches and inspires me on a Soul Level, and following the (sometimes very difficult and uncomfortable) directions that my Soul was guiding me upon.. what should re-appear in my life, but… Horses.

Now, I have been quite obsessed with horses for as long as I can remember, and I already knew just how amazing and fulfilled I felt when I got to spend time with horses, but after my spiritual awakening journey began and led me along a path of healing myself and others, I wasn’t really sure how horses could fit in to all of this. I was sure that when I could manage it financially, I would certainly bring a few horses into my life just for what I thought would be personal enjoyment. But in this journey of self love and empowerment, I began feeling horses come back into my field. It didn’t make any sense to me because I was also at that time trying to get more clear on my offerings and services, and horses seemed like they would simply be a distraction from that. But I trusted this whisper from my Soul that I had become so familiar with, and I asked the Universe to guide me to the people and places that would make this possible.

Thus, guide me, it did…

Before long, after a long chain of mind-blowing synchronicities, I was guided to a program that, funnily enough, wove together much of the spiritual teachings and healing that I have already committed my life to, and horses.

For whatever reason, I never thought about collaborating with horses as a part of the healing process, but it made so much sense once I thought about it. So here was the missing piece that brought everything together and made sense of all the nonsense that is my life!

When I said this brings us up to present, I meant it, as I am just now Graduating from the program to become a certified Equine Gestalt Coach!

I am so deeply grateful to have had the opportunity to be a part of this program, and I can’t wait to see how my life and my offerings evolve as I am able to begin incorporating these incredible animals into my practice. And I couldn’t be more amazed by how it all came together.

When I was a little girl, I would switch back and forth between wanting to be a cowgirl, a witch, and a teacher when I grew up. Societal programming eventually taught me to believe that only one of those was a viable option as far as “real life” careers go, yet as I deprogrammed all that old conditioning and began Loving myself back into wholeness, all three of those seemed to make a whole lot of sense for who I truly am and what I came here to do..

Lyarra Llellewyn Love, Cowgirl / Witch / Teacher, aka Equine Gestaltist, Shamanic Priestess, and Spiritual Mentor, at your service…